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The best prescription for your sexual organs isn’t one you can find in a pharmacy. It’s one you do in bed, in the shower, or on your weekend getaway.
All the studies point to the fact that having sex makes you young. (By “having sex,” we mean having stress-free sex, so that’s safe sex, in which you’re protected from STDs, and sex that doesn’t induce stress, like an extramarital affair would.) What we know is that the more (for men) and higher quality (for women) orgasms you have a year, the younger you are. If you are fifty-five years old, increasing the number of times you have sex from 58 times per year to 116 times has an effect of making you as much as 1.6 years younger, and having great quality sex even more than that can have an effect up to 8 years (Honey, let’s get healthy!). Though we don’t know exactly how it works, it could be from relieving stress or by decreasing cardiovascular aging with frequent high-quality sex. Maybe just as important is the therapeutic value of sex, in that it promotes companionship and emotional satisfaction. It just feels good—on both physical and emotional levels. Bonus: The data alsoimplies that if a fifty-five-year-old has sex seven hundred times a year, it would make you sixteen years younger (unfortunately, the data sample on people who fit this criteria was approximately, uh, zero).

Of course, between seventy-hour workweeks and the fact that raising children is as draining as a running a three-legged marathon, having time and energy for sex isn’t always as easy as it sounds. Another complication: those rivaling libido levels. When he wants it, she doesn’t. Or vice versa. Luckily, there are ways to help improve your compatibility.

LINGER Men’s orgasms are easy to understand—because they’re external. But women’s orgasms can be more mysterious than a Dean Koontz book. That’s because many of us really don’t understand what’s happening physiologically. Essentially, when a woman is stimulated to the point of an orgasm, the uterine walls contract—and she can experience rhythmic, muscular contractions of the uterus, vagina, and clitoris. But every woman is different. For some, it may feel like a geyser. For others, it may feel like nothing more than a momentary flutter. But here’s what many men have a hard time understanding: Because they can’t imagine having sex without an orgasm, many men can’t appreciate the fact that women can enjoy sex without having one.
So instead of trying to make the final destination a female orgasm, men should concentrate on ensuring that women enjoy the interaction. Some women don’t have to orgasm at all to enjoy sex, while some women can easily have multiple orgasms. Absence of an orgasm doesn’t mean failure, but absence of arousal usually does. When you consider that the average man achieves orgasm in three to five minutes and the average women takes four times as long, you can also see why many women won’t achieve orgasm in every sexual encounter. Add to that the pressure put on many women to have orgasms, and a sexual encounter can become more stressful than tax day. And that just about guarantees a woman won’t have an orgasm.
It has been said that women fake orgasms because men fake foreplay. Therein lies one of the biggest problem between couples—lack of compatible levels of libido or arousal. To improve a woman’s sexual desire, add more foreplay. Kiss, touch, hug, squeeze, nibble, stroke, brush, tickle, tease, add your own verb of choice. Whatever you do, just make sure you know this equation. Longer foreplay equals better lubrication, which equals more satisfaction.
To help add moisture, you can increase lubrication safely with water-soluble lubricants like K-Y jelly or lipid-soluble gels. And for some women, testosterone cream—applied directly to the clitoris twice a day—helps increase stimulation, libido, and intensity of orgasm. (Testosterone is the driver of sexuality in both men and women. It naturally decreases as we age, and we’ll discuss hormone therapies in depth in Chapter 10. But testosterone has been shown to be effective in men whose testosterone levels are judged as low. How do you know if you’re in this category? Men should be concerned if they don’t have to shave their beards once a day. Thankfully, they have no such standard for women.)

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