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Let us ask you this: Where’d you learn about sex? Health class? The locker room? Pop’s stashed magazine collection? Chances are, the extent of your initial sexual instruction came in about the same form as instructions for putting together a tricycle. Step 1: Insert rod A in slot B. Step 2: Enjoy the ride. No doubt, you’ve picked up a few pointers along the way and now know a lot more about sexual machinery than you did when you were eight. But since most people are as embarrassed talking about sex as they are about admitting to owning a Milli Vanilli CD, we thought you’d benefit from a spin through a more holistic instruction manual. To that end, we’ve combined male and female anatomy because, one, the male and female anatomy does have some not-so-apparent similarities, and two, because we believe it’s important for each gender to learn a little bit about how the other gender works

Most of us know the relationship between the penis and vagina—the penis is the car that parks in the vaginal garage. But if the car breaks down in the driveway, you can’t pull it in the garage. Ditto if the garage door is jammed shut. You need power to consummate the relationship. In the case of both men and women (especially men), nothing works without high-quality blood flow, and that starts with attraction.

Perhaps to the disappointment of fashion manufacturers and hairstylists everywhere, smell seems to be one of the dominant factors in attracting partners. Adult species release chemical compounds called pheromones that secrete smells that make us attractive to others. It’s a chemical reaction more than a cerebral one, which is why we’re attracted to some people and repelled by others without really knowing why.

Surely, love and lust are complex emotions that include a little bit of luck, a little bit of work, and a little bit of that intangible “chemistry.” But from a purely biological standpoint, these chemical compounds send signals to your brain to put your love meter on high alert or to close the gate to all who try to enter. These signals bypass the thinking or logical part of your brain and go straight to your amygdala—the emotional part. And that’s why strong attractions cause intangible sensations like butterflies in your stomach, tingling in your spine, and all-out, I’ve-got-to-be-with-you insanity.

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